We'll See How Long This Lasts…

Features of The “Hollywood” O/S, the operating system used in ALL movies and TV shows (props to digg)

1. Any PERMISSION/ACCESS DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.

2. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be
accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit
data at two gigabytes per second.

3. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the
control panels will explode, as will the entire building.

4. If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file,
it also disappears from the screen. There are no ways to copy a
backup file — and there are no undelete utilities.

5. If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for
a password when you try to access it.

6. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it’ll be readable by
any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all
computer platforms.

7. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However,
everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren’t labeled.

8. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional,
real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.

9. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time
video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY.

10. Whenever a character looks at a terminal, the image is so bright that it
projects itself onto his/her face.

11. Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans
operating computers never make mistakes under stress.

12. (From Independence Day) No matter what kind of virus it is, any computer
can be infected with it — even an alien spaceship’s computer — simply by
running a virus upload program on a laptop.

13. (From Jurassic Park) A custom system with millions of lines of code
controlling a multimillion dollar theme park can be operated by a 13 year
old who has seen a Unix system before. Seeing an operating system means you
know how to run any application on that system, even custom apps.
Note: What OS was it really running?
(1) “These are super computers”. A CrayOS?
(2) “Quicktime movie, Apple logo, trash can.” MacOS?
(3) “Reboot. System ready. C:\” DOS?
(4) “Hey, this is Unix. I know this” Unix?
The computers in Jurassic Park were Cray supercomputers running the MacOS
as a graphical shell of DOS all layered on top of a Unix base.

14. You cannot stop a destructive program or virus by unplugging the computer.
Presumably the virus has it’s own built-in power supply.

15. You cannot stop a destructive program downloading onto your system by
unplugging the phone line. You must figure out the mandatory “back door”
all evil virus programmers put in.

16. Computers only crash if a virus or a hacker is involved.

17. All text must be at least 72 point.

18. Word processors do not have an insert point.

19. The only way to reboot is to shut off the main power to the building.

20. Passwords can be guessed in three and exactly three tries. If you cannot
guess the password in three tries, you must give up immediately.

WHAT:
PENNY LANE – New Orleans BEST (only?) Beatles cover band
“Rock’N’Bowl BeaTlemania 2005 Show”

WHEN:
Friday, July 22 – 9:00PM until…

WHERE:
Rock ‘N Bowl
4133 S. Carollton Ave., New Orleans – corner of Tulane and Carrollton

WHY:
Because they really put on a fun show, plus you can drink beer and bowl, if you like that sort of thing. And has your Uncle Milton ever let you down when it comes to a live band?

#### UPDATE!! ####
Due to lack of popular interest in paying $7/ea. to see Penny Lane (when they are usually FREE to see at other venues), this outing has been cancelled/post-poned.

INSTEAD…
We are going to see the Wedding Crashers at “Teh Clearview Palace”, 10:40pm showing. Snap, Lisa, Slinky and I saw this at a sneak preview (thanks, Lisa!) at almost peed ourselves laughing. I encourage you all to join us!

Here is to ShortBus and Gonzo for inviting MissyG and me to Casa Garcia for apps and drinks. The conversation was lively and interesting, the Mexican pizza was unexpectedly large and delicious, and of course it never hurts to split TWO pitchers of Sangria with Gonzo. Damn, that blood wine was good, and I’m good and drunk.

Ole’, muthafarker! Ole’!

Got this in an email, and thought I should share it, what with all the hullabaloo over at MissyG’s blog:

“We’re entering hurricane season. You may soon be
turning on the TV and seeing a weather person pointing
to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic meteorological points:
(1) There is no need to panic. (2) We could all be killed.

Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Louisiana!

If you’re new to the area, you’re probably wondering what you
need to do to prepare for the possibility that we’ll get hit by
“the big one.” Based on our experiences, we recommend
that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to
last your family for at least three days.
STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this
sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Louisiana.

We’ll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:

HOMEOWNERS’ INSURANCE:

If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as> >your home meets two basic requirements: (1) It is reasonably well-built, and (2) It is located in Nebraska.

Unfortunately, if your home is located in South Louisiana, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you’ll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss.Since Hurricane George, I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I’m covered by the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.

SHUTTERS:

Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and — if it’s a major hurricane all the toilets. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages: Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they’re cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off. Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December. Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they’re very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them. “Hurricane-proof” windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.

Hurricane Proofing Your Property:

As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc. You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don’t have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.

EVACUATION ROUTE:

If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver’s license; if it says “Louisiana,” you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid >being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will betrapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

HURRICANE SUPPLIES:

If you don’t evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! Louisiana tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who get the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:* 23 flashlights * At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
* Bleach. (No, I don’t know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for, but it’s traditional, so GET some!) * A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant. * A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Camille; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.) * $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near,it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.

Good luck, and remember: It’s great living in Paradise!”

Today’s Overheard comment:

Intern S: You know when they say to look at something slow-moving that’s supposed to make you calm and stress-free? Yeah. That stuff just makes me MORE mad. It’s like, when are you gonna move?

ME: …

Intern S: Yeah, and you know ants? They make me REAL mad.

ME: Ants? Ants make you mad?

Intern S: …(some explanation I don’t even begin to get…)

(Tip of hat to Fark, BlogSpot, and Gwen Stefani.)

Do you want to make more money? Sure we all do.

Why not dress up as a banana and panhandle on the corner for both fun and profit? If you’re anything like the guy at the following link, you can use the experience as a comedy/sociological experiment AND earn more than $10/hour doing it!

This SH%T is Bananas!

(Also, just because I’ve been rapid0fire posting these days, don’t forget to show love on the posts that ain’t new no mo’.)

Please join me in welcoming to the show a NEW associated blog member – ColinTF! You can find a link to his blog over on the left.

Who is he? Where does he come from? What are his goals and aspirations? What great things can we expect from him?

In the words of Gag Halfront, “He’s just zis guy, you know?”

–

In other news, this blog has links to the left that I persoanlly use often. Just curious – does anyone else use any of the links I feature, and if so, which ones?

Well, from the looks of things, Dennis is heading for the Alabama/Florida border. If this is true, he is probably headed for that lame-ass over-rated bar The Florabama.

“Hey, check it out – I’m drunk in a boring, lame-ass bar in Alabama! (hop) Now I’m drunk in boring, stupid-ass bar in FLORIDA! Heh, heh! I’m cool, brah. Here’s another six bucks – go get me a bottle of Bud Light while I straddle the state line. Dude! I wonder if I do something illegal over there in ‘Bama if their state cops can’t come over to the Florida side to catch me…”

Actually, I recall an earlier Storm wrecking it. I guess somebody’s not listening to Mother Nature.

DING!

Time for your annual FREE credit report from all three Credit Reporting Agencies. Ever since June of this year, one free credit report from each Agency must be provided to Louisiana residents upon request each year.

To get yours (and I highly recommend you so so, if for no other reason than to check for errors and bogus accounts in your name) go to the following site:

http://www.annualcreditreport.com

Now, that won’t get you your Credit SCORE, which many institutions use to decide whether to give you new credit/loans. You still have to buy that. I was curious, so I bought mine for six bucks and was pleased, I suppose, with the result.

Anyone have any comments on how to best “work the system” to bolster Credit Score, outside of the obvious suggestions to keep debt low, buy on credit often, and always pay on time, paying more than the minimum?