We'll See How Long This Lasts…

7/29/2005

Features of The “Hollywood” O/S

Filed under: — Miltor @ 8:35 am

Features of The “Hollywood” O/S, the operating system used in ALL movies and TV shows (props to digg)

1. Any PERMISSION/ACCESS DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.

2. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be
accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit
data at two gigabytes per second.

3. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the
control panels will explode, as will the entire building.

4. If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file,
it also disappears from the screen. There are no ways to copy a
backup file — and there are no undelete utilities.

5. If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for
a password when you try to access it.

6. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it’ll be readable by
any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all
computer platforms.

7. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However,
everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren’t labeled.

8. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional,
real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.

9. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time
video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY.

10. Whenever a character looks at a terminal, the image is so bright that it
projects itself onto his/her face.

11. Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans
operating computers never make mistakes under stress.

12. (From Independence Day) No matter what kind of virus it is, any computer
can be infected with it — even an alien spaceship’s computer — simply by
running a virus upload program on a laptop.

13. (From Jurassic Park) A custom system with millions of lines of code
controlling a multimillion dollar theme park can be operated by a 13 year
old who has seen a Unix system before. Seeing an operating system means you
know how to run any application on that system, even custom apps.
Note: What OS was it really running?
(1) “These are super computers”. A CrayOS?
(2) “Quicktime movie, Apple logo, trash can.” MacOS?
(3) “Reboot. System ready. C:\” DOS?
(4) “Hey, this is Unix. I know this” Unix?
The computers in Jurassic Park were Cray supercomputers running the MacOS
as a graphical shell of DOS all layered on top of a Unix base.

14. You cannot stop a destructive program or virus by unplugging the computer.
Presumably the virus has it’s own built-in power supply.

15. You cannot stop a destructive program downloading onto your system by
unplugging the phone line. You must figure out the mandatory “back door”
all evil virus programmers put in.

16. Computers only crash if a virus or a hacker is involved.

17. All text must be at least 72 point.

18. Word processors do not have an insert point.

19. The only way to reboot is to shut off the main power to the building.

20. Passwords can be guessed in three and exactly three tries. If you cannot
guess the password in three tries, you must give up immediately.

6 Responses to “Features of The “Hollywood” O/S”

  1. MiltoR Says:

    Oh, and let’s not forget that ANY image, no matter how blurry or lo-res, can have sections selected and SUPER-enhaced to crystal clarity, and in only a matter of seconds, immediately identifying the true criminal in question.

  2. Stuff Says:

    Fantastic!

    *applauds*

  3. p.scoop Says:

    don’t forget that Hackers don’t break into computers using a command shell, they use graphically enhanced super programs that can spread viruses at the speed of light. and that mysteriously can add ID’s to systems like “HaXor” .

  4. MiltoR Says:

    I can’t take any credit for the text – it’s out there all over the web – but I certainly applaud it, too!

    The sad thing is that, except for us Geeks, the rest of America would read the above list and scratch their heads, wondering why we even bother to list those things – isn’t that how computers really are?

  5. Mensa Says:

    You shouldn’t make fun of that don’t get it. How should I know how computers work?

  6. Miltor Says:

    “You shouldn’t make fun of those that don’t get it.”
    If Mensa lived by these words, we’d never hear another joke from the man.

    “… the day the music died…”

Powered by WordPress