We'll See How Long This Lasts…

Whoa.
From the complete lack of Comments on that last post of mine it looks like I bummed people out, freaked them out, or scared them away. Not that I was looking for it, but nobody even left an easy to say, “It’ll all be OK, Milton” comment. Wow. Sorry, folks.

I was stressing, BIG TIME (couldn’t tell, could you?). And it didn’t help that I felt most of life and time being out of my control. Rush here! Go there! Get that done! Do not pass Go! Do not collect $2000 (thanks, FEMA)! But you only have until X:00, because every business closes in the next hour!

I’m feeling stronger and more optimistic about our situation, (for) now.

I have regained perspective that while I am less fortunate than most around me (especially at my new temp job, where practically everyone had NO damage, or maybe some lost shingles or ruined sheds), there are HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS out there who have no work, no car, no home, no money, no family to take care of them, and no light at the end of their tunnel. And while we haven’t made it through to where we want to be, yet, I realize we are “blessed”. Heart-felt gratitude goes to every person who has helped us be as blessed as we are, including ourselves!

Here’s the thing – while I ain’t no wussy, I’ve never been Mr. Macho Manly-Man, either. I am the type of guy who seeks and relies on the psychological support of my circle of friends and family in times of crisis and doubt. This event has hit me about as hard as or harder than anything else that comes to mind. And while I am normally a reasonably happy, emotionally secure man, my current losses and situation have knocked me for a loop, something fierce. It’s perfectly normal to experience Fear and Insecurity in GOOD times, when they serve to fuel caution and good sense to keep us safe. In this Disaster, they have made a mad grab for power, and sometimes it’s all I can do to keep them at bay. And a few of those times I haven’t been able to. I am showing symptoms of emotional trauma. To add insult to injury, I didn’t go through events HALF as bad as MissyG, but she has worked past her trauma and I have not. I guess I experience it and work it out differently. Friends help. Venting helps. Being rooted, again, might help.

Good news helps, so I welcome ANY good news ANYBODY has about anything – even if you just want to tell me you saved a lot of money on car insurance!

Here’s some good news that my brain has finally allowed to sink-in, even though MissyG told me this stuff, already:
It is SUGGESTED by FEMA’s website and on the phone with them that FEMA may provide additional rent/repair assistance for up to 18 months. Well, hell! If that’s TRUE and DOES happen, there may be no better time for MissyG and me to try a new start in another city/state than now. If it’s NOT true, or that suddenly gets yanked, well, hell – we’ll have to figure something out. If attempts at getting Desktop Support work in Austin fail, does anybody have any recommendations for a lucrative career shift for me that won’t require either school time before or jail time after?

P.S. This bit is for you slackers out in Austin – one of you please get a damned job, will you? Criminy! How do you expect to have us come out there and have you support us watching soaps and eating bon-bons all day if none of you bring home the bacon? Chop-chop!

I awoke from nightmares a few times last night.

In the last one, the one I recall clearly, Missy and I were in the (for now) hobbled, limping city that is Metairie and another hurricane was possibly coming our way. What to do?! We couldn’t stay – the city was fragile and weakend by Katrina, and even a lesser storm could be catastrophe if it passed over or near us. We couldn’t leave – everybody else who had returned would be leaving, too, causing traffic jams that would leave us stranded on the highway after all our gas ran out. Plus, where would we go – the missing 50% of NOLA’s population was already taking up all the safe harbor of hotels!

Then I woke up and felt the waking fear of moving to another, more disaster-safe city, but doing so so without the guarantee of a secured income. What good does it do to jump to the safety of a new home in another place, I thought, if I can’t pay for it, and if the “well runs dry” before I find a new “stream”, now we’re in a strange place, safe from hurricanes, but no way to pay the rent and electricity? Add to that the need to rush to the new city for fear of missing opportunity to find jobs and apartments before everyone else who left scoops them up.

This anxiety, I hope, will fade. I make decisions and take actions to help secure my safety and security. Yes. It may all work out well, especially if I do what needs to be done to make it do so, like aggessively job seraching in Austin, and even going there to help that endeavor.

For the record, though, I want to go back to feeling safe, again.

**Update**
OK, I’m at my new temp job, feeling the familiar, however small, comfort of having a task to occupy me that I am good at. I must admit that since Katrina my state of mind can swing high and low quite a bit more than it used to – I am by nature a happy person. So, I’m swinging back toward Up, just now. I’ll see if I can stay there.

So, unexpectedly, I lost about 10-12 pounds since Katrina hit!

It’s the new Katrina (C) Diet:
– cereal or a bagel for breakfast
– anxiety and uncertainty due to homelessness coupled with working through lunch to get the PCs you are rolling-out done so you can maybe get back to Orlando and not have to spend another damned night alone in a hotel 200 miles from your girlfriend, AGAIN
– and a sensible meal for dinner

Truthfully, food, one of my chiefest pleasures in Life, has lost a little bit of its appeal. I’m by no means eating just bread and water, but I’m just not as full-on excited about food as I used to be, ever since Katrina. Snap has expressed similar feelings, too. I’m sure that this is part of an overall depression due to our lives (as we knew them) being yanked away, stripped like a car in the Projects, and then returned to us. I am also sure that we will one day get back to feeling like we used to. I hope I can continue my weight loss success AND love food, again – tempering both to my advantage. It would be nice to be more slim, healthy, and fit, and still enjoy great meals and snacks.

Maybe MissyG and I can find a nice apartment complex that has its own exercise room for free! That would be good. Here’s to that!