We'll See How Long This Lasts…

Ok, here is a weird story told to me by my buddy “Nawlins”, as he asked to be called. He began the phone conversation with, “Milton, I really need to ask your opinion about what you would do on something.”

Nawlins and his wife “Flora” decided about a year ago to have a baby. And, medical science being what it is these days, we now know what causes women to get pregnant, so they decided to use that helpful information and make one. Out of the blue, a few weeks ago, Nawlins called to tell me that Flora was due to deliver TWINS in a few short days. Well, whaddaya know, Flora gave birth to two bouncing baby boys. Congratulations!

Now, all introspective navel-gazing musings on this being a dreadful sign of us “getting old” aside, that was the normal bit.

Here’s the weird:
Nawlins’ parents arranged to go see their two new grandsons, and hopped in the family caravan for the trek to Atlanta, GA. As planned, they were to arrive Friday evening, and the new parents had no reason to expect otherwise. Now, stay with me, here, because due to they way Nawlins told me the story, some of the details get a little sketchy (Nawlins, if you’re reading this, please feel free to post corrections). Thursday night, around 10:30, Nawlins is sitting with his newborn sons, trying to get them to sleep, when he hears, almost NOT hearing it, a voice calling his name slowly. It didn’t sound like Flora, and it wasn’t coming from the bedroom, where he knew she was already off in slumberland. And though I’m sure he fathered two bright kids, I think we know THEY weren’t the source of the voice. No, as he listened for it again, he determined with a horrible shock that it was coming from the FACE STARING AT HIM THROUGH HIS LIVING ROOM WINDOW!

“Jesus!” he said, trying to make his heart start, again. After a few seconds, he composed himself enough to see that the face was his mother’s(!) and he could just make out their vehicle beyond her in the dark, so he rushed to the front door and called her in. She wasn’t saying much, and Nawlins was too startled to get much out of her about why she didn’t knock. Once he calmed down, being tired, Nawlins left the twins with her, and went to bed. When he woke up, Grandma and Grandpa weren’t in the house and their vehicle was gone, but the twins were sleeping in their crib.

Let’s stop a second. Imagine you are me hearing this story up to this point. How badly does this sound like every urban legend summer camp ghost story you have ever heard? You know – the parents leave early on their road trip, beckon eerily at the window, waiting to be invited in, saying almost nothing. He passes the babies to her, and goes to bed, entrusting his new sons to their grandmother. Upon morning, Ma and Pa are nowhere to be seen, but he swears he can smell his mom’s favorite perfume on the twins’ PJ’s. A ring comes on the phone with the terrible news of a deadly highway accident the night before at precisely the time he saw his mother at the window... Ooo, man that’s creepy!

OK, back to reality.
What really happened is that, yes, his parents did show up late at night, the night before they were expected. And, yes, Ma did call quietly at the window, scaring the bejebus out of Nawlins. And, yes, she and the car were gone the next morning. When asked why in the hell somebody would act in such a bizarre manner, she explained that they didn’t want to wake the babies, so she didn’t knock or ring the doorbell, being late at night. Yeah, so a good thing to do instead is to give the new dad holding his days-old babies a farking coronary? As for being gone the next morning, I believe she explained that they didn’t want to be a burden, so Ma and Pa left to get a hotel room between when Nawlins went to bed and when he got up for work. Yeah, that’s normal, too. Not.

Nawlins, I agree. No matter how much I know your parents are good people, your folks are just plain weird. In answer to your question, I would say to them, “Uh, Hello? Quit stalking your tired, already-stressed-out, gun-owning son through his windows late at night while he is holding his babies. Also, if you’re going to take my brand new children, do me a favor and let me know when you give them back. Lastly, I have a wooden door, a doorbell, and a telephone, all of which have been proven as good ways to let me know you would like to come in. Feel free to try any and all of them from now on, m’kay?”

Mm’kay.